Life to Lifeless
by rockerchick181818
Summary: Neji, Shikamaru and Garra all have their own share of problems. One has a deep dark secret leading him to the comfort of drugs, the other a blade and pills and the last is anorexia and bulimia. Can they pull through? Shika/Temari Neji/OC Garra/OC
1. Issues

Authors note: Alrighty guys, this is written M for a reason! So, be warned that there will be A LOT of references to excessive alcohol, drug addictions, cutting, possible lemon and lime in later chapters, abuse, and rape/molestation….sounds like a great story, huh? Hahaha…^^

Disclaimer: I do not--nor shall I ever--own Naruto….sadly :(

Chapter One: Issues

-- I turn the page to a chapter that they thought was just a phase. But it consumed me. You're right I am a failure and when my life turns to shit it won't have nothing to do with the fact that it's all you ever taught me how to do, so you can relax--

--Sick Puppies: Issues--

~Neji~

"Dude, are you ok in there?" someone--the guy who was throwing this insane party?--yelled over the constant roar of the speakers, as they played some catchy new dance remix, from the other side of the bathroom door.

_ No, I'm not, I'm really not…_Lying here on the cool tile of the completely foreign bathroom--God, I don't even know who's bathroom this is; or for that matter who's party this is--I was far from ok…but this had been the case for longer than just one night. My head was spinning, as I lie motionless beneath the porcelain toilet, my entire body throbbed with insufferable pain. Paralyzed; I must be on the verge of death at this rate. How much had I had to drink? I lost count after my eighth…and then there was that--what had that guy called it?--I can't remember, but I know I snorted some strange substance that had me feeling completely out of it.

"Hey, dude, are you alive in there?" that same voice yelled again this time with a twinge of real concern in his somewhat slurred speech.

He obviously was looking for some reply, preferably one of reassurance, but my stomach was still churning, even after purging consecutively for the past half hour. The repugnant smell of vomit continuously filled my nostrils and the nauseating taste of beer and puke mixed in my mouth unpleasantly. There was _no _way I could open my mouth to speak, not without vomiting anyway. I tried to move, but failed, I was much to weak. God, I have never felt so helpless…_yes, you have this is nothing compared to that…_Shut up! I don't want to think about that now!

The door knob began to twist and turn frantically, and the same voice from before yelled, this time in an alarmed tone, "Dude, this isn't funny! Open the door man, or I'm breaking in!"

True to his word, the knob rattled a few more seconds--while I tried to crawl to the door--and then it burst open with a thunderous boom. My breathing, which was notably shallow, all but stopped at the look of sheer terror on the guys face as he stood shocked and still in the doorway. _I must look like the walking dead…wait am I?_

"Oh my God! The dude's dead!" the guy, who I vaguely remember being acquainted to, screamed panic-stricken by the supposed corpse lying in his bathroom--yours truly. Was he stupid could he not see the rise and fall of my chest? Or had my breathing really stopped? Maybe I should try to say something to the guy…but before I could even form the words--why were my reactions so slow?--he was running out of the bathroom, down the hallway and out of sight completely. Leaving me alone again, I attempted to lift my self again, but succeeded in only bumping my head on the cool porcelain of the toilet.

That unpleasant feeling in my stomach lashed out unyieldingly and I began to purge violently right there on the floor…spilling my guts all over myself…how do I have anything left inside me? I feel completely empty. Still, it kept on; repeatedly pouring the repulsive substance from my 's when the memory of what I'd heard from health class recurred, "…_And sometimes when one is drunk they drown in their own bile. Pitiful, isn't it?…"_ So, that's my fate then? To lie here and drown consciously in my own vomit. Wow, what a fantastic ending to the life of the once perfect, golden boy--turned bad for no apparent reason--Neji Hyuuga….Would anyone care? Do I want them to? Do I care if this is the end; the part where I enter eternal darkness in Hell because I could never hope to be accepted into the gates of heaven? One lone tear fell at the thought of being denied the chance to see my beloved father again…

And that's when that voice--the one that haunts my every thought--whispered sinisterly…"_Shh, little one, no one can save you now. You are mine…always." _My mind screamed agonized by the memory forever engraved in my mind…_no, that will not be the last thing I hear, I refuse to die with that voice trespassing my thoughts…_But my resolution died quickly as everything blurred and fuzzed over and I slowly slipped into darkness….

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-Shikamaru-

_ Where the Hell did Neji get off to? He left over half an hour ago and he's still not back, and he was already pretty trashed…Why does he always get so fucked up everywhere we go, and to think he used to be the goody-goody, the golden boy, the kid every parent wished for, but rarely received…I guess it just goes to show no one is as perfect as they might seem…._

Sighing, I continued my search for the damned Hyuuga, checking each room only to come across hormonal and horny teenagers in the middle of 'doing the dirty', or smoking something illegal, shooting up, drinking excessively…yes, all the normal activities associated with a teenage party. It was the classic parents left for a weekend getaway, leaving their oh-so-trustworthy son alone in the house, with access to an impressive liquor supply and a great ritzy house to party in. Neji had heard about the party through one of his new 'friends' and had than insisted and pestered, until I gave in, which of course didn't take long, especially after I heard there was going to be a guy here with a fantastic supply of pot. Man, I sure could go for a fatty right now…aah, what a drag, I'm stuck searching for my supposed friend only to get stuck babysitting and monitoring his every move… that guy just doesn't know when to stop.

"The dudes dead! The dudes dead! Somebody call 911!" the guy who was the host of the party--Kago, was his name I believe--ran past me screaming like a siren as he passed.

I couldn't help but chuckle at first because well, he ran funny, his arms flailed wildly to his sides and he all but tripped over his feet. But all humor aside panic and fear slowly settled in the pit of my stomach, and bringing an unwanted torrent of presumptions as to what had happened. _Neji, please, please don't let it be you who that dumb shit is talking about…_

My mind was racing along with my body--very uncharacteristic of me, I know, but we're talking about the life of my friend here--as I raced along down the hallway in the general direction Kago had come from. All I could think about was being too late and finding the crumpled corpse of my friend. _Hold on, Neji, hang in there bud…_a voice reiterated in my head, over and over, as my feet continually pounded upon the carpet, propelling me forward. Willing myself to go faster I finally made it to an open--and it looked as though someone had forced their entry--bathroom door.

Eyes shot open, my breath hitched and my body froze at the scene before me. There he was, sure enough, it looked as though my premonition had been correct. Neji, was lying lifelessly, from the looks of it, on the gleaming white tiled floor. The whole room was in complete disarray: the shower curtain was torn halfway from its rod--Neji must have grabbed it for support before he had fallen--bile that had missed its target oozed down the porcelain of the toilet bowl; an empty Captain Morgan bottle lie on the sink along with splatters of more vomit; and then there was bile mixed with hints of blood puddling around Neji's still, face down form.

But all these things weren't nearly as unnerving or horrid as Neji himself. Lying face down beneath the stained toilet he faced the doorway, long dark tresses were matted and messy, his skin was even paler than usual and dare I say turning a hint of corpse like blue-gray. The most surreal thing though, was his eyes, they were: hollow, empty, other worldly…dead. _Neji, what did you do to yourself? _

Neji Hyuuga, fallen from grace; fallen from his throne; fallen into complete darkness. Could I have saved him from himself? What am I talking about I can't even save me from myself, so how could I ever hope to save someone else? Looking down upon Neji's motionless body I felt an involuntary chill run up my spine, and an unpleasant knot in my stomach tightening. _What if I'm next???_ A harrowing vision of myself lying dead upon the floor crossed my mind leaving me shaken to the core. I was completely frozen to the spot.

"Move." One simple command shook me from my shocked reverie and then someone was pushing my immobile body out of the way.

I stood there motionless, even though my brain screamed its demands to move; to do something; to save my friend. I was stunned by the scene playing darkly before me, surely this was only a nightmare, it simply could not be real. Yeah, this was a dream I would wake up any second to find myself in my own warm bed and Neji safe and alive in his. So, closing my eyes I tried desperately to awaken from this horrifically real dream…sadly, nothing happened and it appeared that this was in fact, the reality I was trapped in.

"What's his name?" the same voice as before asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

I struggled to find my voice, but mustered it, and whispered, "Neji…Neji Hyuuga….please, help him"

"Don't worry, your friends going to be fine an ambulance is on the way. My father's a doctor he'll take care of him, I promise," the same voice reassured in soothing tones.

Hope refilled my body, giving me the strength to face the inevitable truth and open my eyes. The scene had changed only slightly, now there was another person on the tiled floor, kneeling beside Neji's now upturned body. An astoundingly gorgeous girl was tending diligently to Neji, sweeping his matted hair from his face, and then gently wiping the bile from the side of his face onto a damp towel. Her blond hair falling and then shielding her face from view. Her hands swept over Neji's wrist, checking for a pulse, I suppose.

"Damn, he hardly has a pulse…it's so faint…come on Neji, hang on…wake up," she uttered lowly, as she cautiously prodded Neji's side trying to gauge a reaction from him.

An almost inaudible groan escaped Neji's parted lips, as he began to stir into consciousness he blinked his eyes slowly and attempted to focus on his surroundings. He looked like he was fading in and out of reality, his pupils dilating and darting rapidly, as if he were trapped within some kind of hallucination. _Thank God he's alive…of course after his uncle finds out…well, at least he's alive…_

"Neji…Neji, can you hear me?" the girl asked turning his head gingerly in her direction.

Glazed silver eyes fluttered and adjusted upon the blonds own eyes, as she consoled him, cooing, "Neji, my names Blake, I'm going to help you, ok? You're going to be just fine. There's an ambulance on the way they'll take you to my father, he's a doctor, he'll take care of you."

Neji's hand struggled to lift from his side on the floor-it was so hard to see him in such a fragile position, I thought I'd never see the day, he'd just always been a symbol of strength to me-to tenderly brush the golden strands from the girls breathtaking face, tucking them securely behind one tiny ear. _Always was a charmer…knew just how to charm the pants off any girl. I never could pull of his method nearly as well…lucky bastard…_

"Excuse me young man," a deep male voice stated impatiently, pushing his way in.

_ Looks like the paramedics are here, thank God…you're safe Neji, you're going to make it, you lucky bastard….._

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

+Garra+

"_You're a worthless piece of shit! It should have been you! You killed her! It's all your fault! Karura! Karura, my love! Why…why did you leave me, Karura?!"_

I can still hear his howls, echoing forever in my mind; etched permanently in my memory. How many times had I heard those howls of pain? How many times had I paid for my fathers lost love: my mother, who had died while birthing me. I had always been the one to blame by not only my father, but the rest of my family as well; the outcast; the punching bag; the devil's own…

Standing before the full length mirror in my closet I examined some of the fresh bruises and cuts delivered by the man I reluctantly call father. But behind his back I always refer to him as _"the donor" _he doesn't deserve the title father in my book. My fingers trace intricately over an older scar, smooth beneath my fingertips, given to me by "the donor" for looking at him funny. My body seems to be made of scars, one beginning where the other ended, each had a story accompanying it. I like to think they give me an intimidating appearance, but if anyone knew how I obtained them they'd probably have a different view on the demon Garra.

Demon Garra…just one of the many nicknames I have been associated with, along with spawny, devil child, hell boy, and the list continues on and on. It didn't really bother me the way it used to when I was a kid, actually I kind of liked the nicknames now. I relished in those daunted glances, in the rumors made at my expense, in the solitude always surrounding me, in the complete mystery of me. _I like who I am…right?_

Punching the door, narrowly missing the mirror, I tried to focus on the physical pain throbbing in my fist. _You know you're lying to yourself, right? You hate who you are…you'd give anything to erase everything…to be accepted by others…._

"STOP! Shut up! Shut up! It's not true! It's not…," I screamed, desperate to drown out that annoying little voice in my head.

That was the last straw, walking into my bathroom, that adjoined to my bedroom, I searched for my weapon of choice. _I need the pain…I have to have it…to control it…_

The light weight of the five-blade razor in my palm instantly eased my furtive state. Pulling my sleeve up to my elbow I placed the blade at the middle of my forearm where the scab of a recent cut was situated. Cool metal collided smoothly with the flesh of my arm, and I felt an immediate satisfaction as the blood trickled down my arm…

Only one voice now echoed in my head, one that never really went away…. _"It should have been you…." _repeated, over and over, like some broken record…_It __**should**__ have been me…trust me father it will be me…you will finally get you're wish…._

…TBC…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Authors note: I really hope somebody out there enjoyed this story and I know there are those of you out there that can sadly relate to these issues, as can I… yeah I know it's dreary and dark, but trust me the sun will eventually shine again for these three trouble guys…with the help of a few friends of course…Anyway, I'm sorry if it was terrible and I apologize for the shortness of Garra's pov, he will be featured more in the second chapter, I promise!! :P Please rate and review…I love reviews and that means good or bad! Haha. 'Till next time! ^^


	2. My World

Authors note: Here is chappie two. It kinda sucks, so I'm sorry. Please message me with any comment and/or criticism you might have. And review please. Rated M for a reason! This one's only in Shika's point of view.

Disclaimer: I don not own Naruto.

Chapter Two: My World

Welcome to my world.

Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.

Another lesson burned.

And I'm drowning in the ashes.

Kicking.

Screaming.

Welcome to my world...

~Sick Puppies~

"Mom, you know you can't keep me locked up in the house forever, right?" I yawned boredly as I stretched my arms up and over my head and my legs outward away from me.

"Oh, yes I can. I don't want another cop on my ass about you being at _another _party doing God knows what! Drinking and smoking no doubt with that little hoodlum, Hyuga," I heard her voice coming from the kitchen, along with the soft clinking noise of dishes being soaked and washed in the sink. She absolutely _disdained _Neji. Said he was the source of all my trouble, which I have to say is mostly true, but I was still responsible, I mean, I was just totally intrigued with him. No one I knew was quite like him that's for sure and I was impressed by his chameleon like personality; he was always tweaking the way he acted depending on the place and crowd. My mother though, was not impressed, let alone intrigued.

Rolling my eyes and heaving a sigh, I slumped into the couch (aka Old Reliable) deciding that arguing with my mother, which could be equated to a brick wall, was futile. Patting one of Old Reliables lumpy cushions, I stared transfixed at the screen of the TV., which I might add has _always _been a bit fuzzy, making the picture obscured. The anchorman on channel 5 news was looking really blurry; all of his features running together until they were unidentifiable. Just like my day to day life, to me everyone looks like, well, a blurred photo. Just another in the way, useless person in the world. Just like _me._

"I mean, just what in the _world _are you doing hanging around a boy like that anyway? You know how I feel about _him_," nagging on, I heard a cabinet open, as she placed the mismatched dishes back in their rightful places.

_Yeah, mom, I know how you feel about him...but you don't know the truth about him either. I have to stay. Someone has to watch out for that kid, troublesome as he is...and I can't turn away from him, not like everybody else...no, I could never do that I have been there myself...._

Looking at the living room I noticed that there wasn't one thing that matched with another. The forest green recliner—minus the recline, heh-heh, long story there—the white coffee table stained with dark stains from lack of coasters, a small black entertainment center, glass end table furnished with a dark blue lamp lined with cracks. And then there was the best part of the whole room, perhaps the entire house, my couch: Old Reliable.

Ah, Old Reliable, my lovable couch, had been through it all with me. The good, the bad—thick and thin—it was the only constant here in my discombobulated life. Even as everything seemed to change and be completely turned upside down morphing until, like the TV screen, it was indistinguishable, Old Reliable never wavered. Lumpy, and an ugly shade of retro orange, brown and mustard yellow—it reminded me disturbingly of something straight from the movie Napoleon_Dynamite—_and the cushions were stained and littered with cigarette burns. It came from my parents early days when we were dirt poor—well poorer than we are now anyway—and even then it wasn't new. They had bought it at a yard sale where it had a good 10 years on it already.

_Man, if couches could talk, what things would Old Reliable say?_

So many memories, hidden within these cushions, buried there forever. It was here on this beat up couch that I had my first make out session. My first joint. My first joint. But, it was also here that I sat crumpled and broken, sniffling as my parents fought every night, curled safely within my blanket. Where my father left me sitting without even a second glance back; without regret; without so much as a goodbye. This was where I had waited for hours on end, perched on the caving arm, staring intently out the window, anxiously waiting for him to come back to me and mom. A fools hope. A silly child's dream that _never _came true.

But, I was over that now. I'm not just some helpless little kid anymore, and I did perfectly fine raising myself without that asshole. In fact, I decided that the next time I see him I'm beating the living Hell out of him on sight. What he did to me was one thing, but what he put my mother through was indescribable. It was painful enough watching it from the outside, but actually living it was unimaginable to me. She hasn't really been the same since. Falling easily into constant darkness, walking around like a lost soul, like a helpless child. Speaking of which...

"Shikamaru Nara, get off your lazy ass and clean this goddamn mess!"

My mother's petite form appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and a scowl set firmly in place, "Turn that damn TV off—NOW!

Rolling my eyes, I exhaled loudly and nodded, lifting the remote pressing the little red power button. _Great...so, she's gonna be a "normal" mom today. Man, what a drag. I kinda miss the other mom...._Confused? My mom has several different personalities. There's the normal, mother-esque, cut straight from a parenting catalog mother. The carefree, fun loving, crazy one. And then there's the depressed drunk, who sits slumped on the couch staring blankly at the TV, which is usually turned off. I prefer the carefree, fun loving and crazy one, personally.....

Tapping her toe impatiently she waited for me to move. So, hoisting myself up and off the couch, I slumped into the kitchen and grabbed the bleach and Clorox, heading straight for the bathroom. The only place I _liked_ to clean...twice in my case....

* * *

"I should be home by at least midnight," my mom was saying, as she strapped one red heel around her ankle, running through the rules with me _again,_ "so, no funny business. And that means no boo's, no parties, no girls, and no _Hyuga's_."

"Right, no fun. Check," I said, making an invisible check mark on my palm, "So, I guess that means I should probably cancel that keg and the strippers for that big party I was planning for tonight then?"

Ducking, as one crimson stiletto came flying through the air, with impressive force I might add, directly at my face. It missed, but just barely. Landing with a dull thud on the counter behind me.

"I mean it Shikamaru, if I get one phone call from the cops tonight because of you," she snapped, "your ass is grass."

Saluting, I shouted, "Yes, Ma'am!"

Biting back a smile, she hobbled in one heel to grab the matching one from the counter. Then slipping it on and strapping it down, she grabbed her purse. Checking and then re-checking that she had everything. One sharp nod of the head assured she had what she needed for the evening. Then turning to me, she asked for the fifth time that night, "So, you're sure I look alright?"

Sighing, I nodded and gave her an reassuring look, "This guy won't know what to do when he sees you. You look great, OK?"

She really did look nice. Clean, as a matter of fact, which is saying a lot considering just a week ago she was in her hopeless drunk phase. Tonight though she looked, well, pretty...for my mom anyway. Sporting a black cocktail dress with red embroidery on the hem and neckline. Her hair fixed in an appropriate up-do for said occasion, this was her 3rd date with this guy. Although, I couldn't recall his name for the life of me. But, yes, she did look very nice tonight.

"Thank you honey, that really does make me feel better, you know?" smiling, she kissed my cheek lightly, leaving behind a red lip print.

Rubbing a hand over my cheek, trying to erase the smudge there, I mumbled a "Yeah, whatever."

Shaking her head, she laughed one of her big belly laughs, and ruffled my hair playfully, "Be good, you hear?"

Feigning innocence, I handed her the keys to her Toyota, "Aren't I always?"

"Thanks," grabbing the keys from my grasp, then stated incredulously, "Do you really want an _honest_ answer to that question, honey?"

"Hey, I'm good...." I stated indignantly, crossing my arms over my chest as I paused and muttered, "every once and a great while, anyway."

"I'll see you when I get back, OK?" she sighed, choosing to ignore my miffed statement. I couldn't help the fact that trouble _always _had a way of finding me. As the saying goes 'If I didn't have bad luck, then I'd have no luck at all.' Story of my life.

"Yeah...whatever.....," letting my voice trail off, as I stood there watching, still a little disgruntled—I mean I'm not all that bad—my mothers retreating form make her way over the threshold of the front door and onto the porch, "Have fun on your date! You love birds don't stay out too late, you hear? And remember no love without a glove!"

I could feel her scowl through the now tightly shut door, as I mocked her voice, producing the perfect imitation of her. _I'll probably be paying for that one later....how troublesome...._Exhaling rather loudly, I drummed my fingers on the counter, as I stared transfixed at my cell on the counter. Contemplating on whether or not I would follow orders—unlikely—or if I would accept the invitation I had gotten earlier from Neji.

Rubbing my chin, I looked around the kitchen at all the cabinets that had just been recently stocked by my 'normal' mother on Wednesday. My mouth already watered at the prospect of being able to completely pig out by myself. Nobody would know. But my mind said otherwise...._Mom....She'd know right away..._I could see the disapproval all over face as it had been etched so firmly in place before. Her voice cold, as she uttered lowly, "Don't you want people to like you...well, do you?" It was her eyes that gave her away though, labeling me: fat, ugly...worthless.

Shaking my head, I picked up my phone punching in the numbers. I can't be trusted here alone. I have to get out of here, or face an unpleasant night of binges and... "Neji? Hey, it's me....I'm in..."

* * *

"Dammit!" Naruto yelled, banging his fist on the oak of the table, as he picked up his shot glass and threw it back, downing it quickly, " Why am I always _everyone's _victim?"

"Because you're the most fun to pick on, dumb ass," the slurred sneer of Kiba—what a surprise that guy always has something to say...how freaking troublesome—answered.

Sinking lower into his seat at the table, Naruto, huffed pouting and then glared indignantly at Kiba's usual cocky grin. Crossing his arms he turned his face away, so that all that was visible was a third of his profile, "That's just—just stupid. Humph. I don't even want to play this stupid game anymore."

A group of us had decided to play quarters, and needless to say it always got a little out of hand, and Naruto was almost always singled out as the easy target. There was truth to what Kiba said before, Naruto was the most fun to unravel and see completely wasted. But, I nodded in agreement with Naruto, I too was ready to be done with the whole game.

There was a chorus of disappointed "awe's" and "you pussy's" from the remaining players—Kiba, Choji, Neji, Sasuke and Tenten. Naruto, acting childishly, stuck his tongue out and stood up abruptly before being pounded on the top of the head by Sasuke, who muttered a "Fucktard". I chose to just flip them all the bird, picking up my cup, and slumping away to find something else to entertain me. The sound of one lone quarter being bounced and then miss the glass entirely followed by howls of laughter could still be heard from the kitchen table in the living room, where I was presently standing, trying not to be smashed by some overexcited jocks who were wrestling around.

_Jeez, they'll use anything as an excuse to touch each other won't they? _I chuckled at that prospect and then took a swig from my Dixie cup, glancing boredly around the room, in search of someone or something of interest. _Man, this party is such a drag. I would have been better off at home..._

That's right about the time I saw her standing off, awkwardly to the side of the cramped living room—well, what would have been the living room, anyway, right now it just looked like a mass of teenagers and trash. Ino—God, of all people—was talking up a storm, not giving _any_ opportunities for the other girl to voice an answer, or excuse herself, which from the looks of it was what she was dying to do. Her smile was forced, and her laugh uneasy, as Ino went on about only God knows what. So, deciding to spare the poor girl, I made my way to where they were crammed at in the corner pf the room.

"...And, I mean, like if he wants to break up with me that's all fine and good, _but_ he should know that I _am_ going to sleep with other guys, I mean, right? Like, he was _sooo_ pissed at me because I fucked my ex the night he broke up with me, but did he just, like want me to sit around waiting for him to—," Ino was emphatically telling her story loud enough for the entire _world_ to hear, leaving the girl she was talking to flinching—I couldn't decide if it was from the volume at which Ino was talking or the subject she was on. Hell, Ino was making _me_ uncomfortable, and I _know_ her "reputation". But, she didn't have the chance to finish her regaling tale, as I swiftly interrupted her.

"Ahem, Ino, spare...," glancing at the other girl, who was looking at me curiously and gratefully, I waited for her to tell me her name.

Picking up on the sudden pause, she stated her name casually, "Taisa."

"....Taisa, yes, spare her the horny details alright? Don't you have a corner to work?"

"Fuck you, Nara!" Ino shrieked, stomping off pissed off, until something better—looks like Hidan tonight, poor bastard—came along. _Well, now that that's taken care of...._Shoving my hands into my pockets, I began to walk away, but a small voice stopped me.

"Thank you—uh, what was your name?"

Turning back around, I lifted my eyes to be met by a pair of pale ones. It was the girl from before, Taisa. _God, she's gorgeous....yeah, and you have about as much a chance as a snowball in Hell with a girl like her. I doubt lazy, pot smoking, good-for-nothing, bulimic guys are really her type..._Shaking myself from my reverie, I realized she was waiting expectantly for a response.

"Um...uhh, my—my name's Shikamaru," I stammered, unable to think straight, perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the way her eyes were so intent on me; keeping me there in place before her.

"Shikamaru," repeating my name with a firm nod, as if in doing so would help her remember me, "Thank you very much for that....Is she always like that?"

"Pretty much. She is the gossiper of school....among many other things." I couldn't help the smile that crept up my face as she giggled, covering her mouth with one hand in an innocent gesture, "She has always been really loud and bossy," I said holding up two fingers, "two of the worst qualities in a woman—I'm kidding, jeez, don't shoot me," those pale eyes shot me a look, "And, well, in recent years she has sorta picked up a new trait..." I added, as I jerked my head in the direction of the petite—bordering anorexic looking, of course I have no real room to talk—blond was pawing in feline fashion on Hidan, who was trying to make a clean getaway—good luck with that buddy, she already zeroed you in.

Those light eyes followed my gaze, settling on the pair now sitting on the couch, Hidan obviously giving up his hot pursuit to getaway, "Ah, I see, so, she has a way with the guys then?"

"No," I protested, "she _thinks_ she does though."

"Oh," she said, nodding and then lifting her own plastic cup up to her lips, taking a tiny sip, and then making a pinched, disgusted face, sat it down deliberately on the entertainment center nearby.

"This isn't really your scene is it?" I asked gesturing to the room around us where the party was slowly winding up into full swing, and she seemed, if nothing, but out of place.

Laughing and pushing one stray dark curl behind her ear, she bit her lip, "That obvious, huh?"

Chuckling, I took a sip of my beer, and shrugged, "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just kinda—well rare—but not bad or anything. You're not really missing much by ditching on them."

Rubbing her arm, she sighed, "Yeah, I guess. It's just—oh, never mind..."

"What? C'mon, it's just what?"

"Nothing, just nothing." she began fidgeting as I continued to watch her, waiting for her to spill what she was going to say, but her mouth was tightly closed. There was no sign of her finishing that thought.

So, I decided to ask her another valid question, "You're not from around here either, are you?"

Shaking her head, she grinned, "Nope, I'm new. Just moved here, part of the whole foreign exchange thing."

Yeah, you're to sane to be from around here,"I yelled over the sudden roar of music—some new club song—and then added, "but, give it time. You'll be just insane as everyone of us here in about an—oh, I give it three months tops."

Tilting her head and laughing loudly, "Oh, is that so? Well, I doubt that. I bet you it takes at least 6 months."

"Oh yeah? Is that a bet I smell?" I asked smirkingly.

"I smell you losing a bet!" she sniffed the air for exaggeration, giggling bubbly.

"Yeah, I think you'll fit in just fine here, Miss. Smart ass."

"Funny, I thought for sure that was _your_ title."

"Oh, you got jokes, huh?"

A snort erupted from her mouth, which she slapped a hand over quickly in an attempt to hide the noise, which was quite adorable—whoa, did I just say adorable? What the _HELL_ is wrong with me?

I do not think or say things like _adorable_! Gah, I have to get away from this girl before I embarrass myself further. But, God, did I want to reach out and move that hand aside and kiss those perfectly pink lips. Yup, that's it I have to get that _Sam Hell_ outta here!

"Uh, I should go, my mom'll kill me if she finds out that I left the house," I said, excusing myself, opening the perfect opportunity for me to leave.

"Oh, OK...why are you in trouble or something?" her face fell for a moment, or maybe I was just seeing things...yeah, that's it I'm just seeing crap—it wouldn't be the first time...

"Yeah, I'm under my mom's "house arrest"," I said making air quotes for emphasis, "And, I'm not even really supposed to be out, but she had a date and I took the opportunity and ran with it."

"Tsk, tsk. Bad Shikamaru," she reprimanded jokingly, brushing one pointer finger over the other in a "no, no" fashion that you see mothers act out for their children.

"Well, I never said I was a good kid," I pointed out, poking my finger in the air.

"True, true—well, I guess I'll see you later then? I should probably be getting back to my friend anyway," she gestured to a group of people blocking the sliding door leading to the pool.

"Right, sure. I'll see you later, Taisa—remember 3 months."

"Uh-huh, see ya, nice to meet you sir," she stuck her hand out and shook mine forcefully, "and it will be six months I tell you!"

Smiling, I extracted my hand from her vice-like grip, "Nice shake—and yeah, yeah, enjoy those 3 precious months of your remaining sanity."

"Likewise, and I will enjoy it—all 6 months."

Chuckling, I gave a quick, airy wave and made my way through the crowd of teenagers blocking the front door, all the while feeling those pale eyes on my back. _Yeah, this summer might end_ _better than I thought_....Opening the front door a rush of summer air filled my lungs, and as I made my way down the porches broken stairs, the image of dark curls and perfect creamy skin filled my head. Pale eyes hauntingly gazed at me...._yeah, this is my new drug_....


	3. Grip of the Monster

AN: Sorry, it took me FOREVER to upload this! Anyway, I really hope you guys like it. This one is all Neji goodness ha-ha!

Chapter Three: The Grip of the Monster

Love means holding onto someone just as hard as you can

Because if you don't

One blink and they might disappear

Forever

Ellen Hopkins (Impulse)

"_Neji, don't climb too high now, son," my father's voice calls up to me from below on the playground, "stay where I can see you."_

_Laughing, I ignored my father's demand and continued climbing my way up the tower of the playground. The yellow-painted metal felt cool and smooth against my palm and the winding steps seemed endless underneath my feet; twirling me until I was happily dizzy, my vision distorted and blurred. Laughing, a rush of excitement and curiosity filled me at the many possibilities of what was awaiting me at the peak of the rocket-shaped tower._

_Then bringing me back from my high and to reality, "Neji, Please, don't climb up there it's dangerous!" My father yelled, concern filling his deep voice, sending a sharp pang of guilt low in my belly._

_So, leaning over the golden railing, I waved down reassuringly to the form of my father, who was slowly morphing into a dot among the small pebbles grazing the ground. There was the ghost of a smile upon his lips as he shielded his eyes from the sun with one hand and then with the other waved up at me._

"_Is this better, dad?" I asked, playfully cocking my head to one side as a light summery breeze blew through my hair softly._

_Shaking his head he chuckled deep in his throat and then inclined his head approvingly, "Better."_

_Giggling, I continued my exploration, making my way even farther up the large sunshine colored tower. Smiling serenely to myself I pretended I was the most famous, well-respected and very best explorer in the world. Dodging booby-traps—just barely though—and saving myself just in the knick-of-time from the danger they each promised, whether that be molten-hot lava or a cave of monsters depended entirely upon my imagination._

_Suddenly though, all of the calm sunlight was dissipated and replaced instead by pitch darkness. It was as if a giant vacuum had rolled along and sucked away the sun, leaving no trace of its existence behind. With this abrupt darkness came a sudden downpour of darkly colored rain. An ominous feeling filled the rapidly changed mood._

_ Running, I made my way as fast as my feet could carry me up the steal stairs; something was definitely wrong here of that I was certain. And, for some inconspicuous reason I felt compelled to get to the top of the tower. Something deep within me was telling me that the only way to stop this storm was to get to the very top of the tower. _

_ Just a little farther…come on it's just a little farther…Finally I had reached the tip of the tower I expected a miracle to happen and the storm to completely stop, but it was the exact opposite, the storm was at full throttle. Trembling, I press myself against the railing looking for the only person I wanted to be there with me; to protect me as always. _

_ "Dad? Dad?! Are you there?" my shout was swallowed up by the sudden howling gust of wind; lost to the loud clashing of thunder._

_ Squinting into the darkness I tried desperately to find a hint of my father's figure, but was unable to see anything through the thickness of the palpable droplets falling from the black sky. What is this? Reaching my hand over the railing I felt a sticky droplet ooze down my middle finger, closer examination showed it definitely wasn't rain…but then what was it? What else falls from the sky besides rain, sleet, hail and snow?_

_ Without any warning, everything became still and the darkness from before was ripped away deliberately, like peeling off a band-aid too quickly, leaving everything stunningly bright. Relief washed over me, only to fade as quickly as it had come when the scene before me unfolded and my brain began to actually comprehend what it was I was seeing…_

_ Two bodies were hanging before me, both strangely familiar, yet completely foreign. Swinging limply; lifelessly there in the light breeze they seemed so out of place here. Only the whites of their eyes were visible, and their bodies were drenched with the same dark liquid that had been pouring steadily down earlier. _

_ It was then that I realized what the droplets actually were: blood. The overwhelming stench of death was too much to bear, but it was the realization of the identity of the couple that sent me crashing to my knees vomiting. These people they were…my parents…._

_ "Oh, oh God! Mom, dad! No!" was all I could manage between choking on bile and full body cries._

_ Screaming into the still air I had completely lost all control of myself as I wobbled to my knees and ran to the edge of the tower hoisting myself over the edge free falling until…._

"Neji…Neji, hey, damn how much of the monster did you party with this time, man?" Koji—my dealer and the host of this killer party—asked, one hand resting lightly on my shoulder.

Shit, so it was just a dream then? How long had I been out? Opening my eyes widely, I rubbed any sleep (which after that nightmare I wouldn't be getting any for awhile) still left in my eyes and ran my tongue over parched lips before replying nonchalantly, "Eh, not enough apparently if I passed out. Sorry, Ko."

"Yeah, yeah don't worry about it. But, from now on if you're going to pass out please refrain from doing so in the pool, ok? You almost drowned and I do not need your death on my conscious, man."

Yet, you continue to sell me death? Makes perfect sense…Of course, I don't actually say this, instead I say:

"Right, no sleeping in the pool, I will try to remember that next time, sorry," as if I did it on purpose, asshole. Realizing I was dripping wet and forming small puddles on the couch and plush carpet, I added, "Um, would you mind if I borrowed something dry to change into?"

Straightening up and smoothing out invisible wrinkles in his button up, he nodded pointedly and motioned for me to follow him up the stairs. Weaving our way through "party traffic", we finally made it to our destination. As he turned the knob though, the door of his bedroom appeared to be locked.

The occupants on the other side seemed to take no notice of anyone trying to enter and continued their muffled conversation, breaking into occasional fits of laughter and…moans? Glancing sideways at Koji, I waited for him to flip out and break the door down. Instead, he just sighed loudly; irritated by the whole situation and rapped sharply on the door.

Someone snapped from inside the bedroom, "Go away! This room's taken!"

"Yeah, well this is my room, so, I suggest you open it right fuckin' now, Ira!" finally, Koji's signature short fuse was flaring. Another remark like that and things might be getting really serious after all…

There was a murmured "shit", followed by footsteps towards the door, and then the door was swinging open revealing a half naked guy standing in front of us with a smile to rival that of the Cheshire cat.

"Sorry about that, Koji," the feline-like guy apologized, not in the least bit genuine about it, as he leaned lazily against the wide doorframe. His green gaze was steady; measured, as he looked from Koji to me and then back again, "So, what's up?"

"Its fine, Ira. I just need to get, Neji here, a set of dry clothes," Koji replied, cooling down immediately, waving his hand in an "it's-no-big-deal" gesture, breaking into an easy smile. The short fuse was temporarily doused.

"Of course, of course it's your room, it was rude of me to ask," that false genuine tone was still present in his voice, although, Koji seemed to find it endearing or he just didn't notice it was forced. An awkward pause passed as the three of us stood there in the hallway in complete silence, Koji let out a withheld breath ruffling his hair lightly, while I stood stock still and quietly to the side. No need to draw unnecessary attention after all.

And then, abrupt and startling Ira was speaking again: "So, I didn't know you hit for the other team, Ko? If I had known that I would have thrown myself at you the first chance I'd gotten—of course from the looks of it I'm way below your standards anyway—I don't know who to call the lucky one here…You a model?" This last remark was directed at me, and that wide, toothy grin was back in full force.

Stammering in a stupor, Koji resembled a fish out of water, the wind knocked straight out of him by such a bluntly delivered statement. Anyone who really knew Koji knew that he was a complete homophobe. If you so much as mentioned the word "gay" or "homo" in front of him he was liable to flip his lid and kick the shit right out of you. Oh, and kissing the same gender in front of him? Forget it. It all had to do with his "upbringing", or so he said, apparently his dad had been violent in teaching his son kissing boys was wrong….God, I wish my dad had taught me that…and I would sell my soul in exchange for my grandpa to have taught my uncle that rule…too bad I'm pretty sure I don't have a soul to sell anymore…

Shaking my head, I stifled a laugh when Koji simply turned a deep shade of red, my eyes widened in amazement; totally impressed by this Ira character, "You're funny, shouldn't I be asking you that question though? How long have you been modeling, sir?"

A throaty chuckle escaped his parted lips, as he pushed off the door frame with his shoulder, cocking his head to one side as he faced me full on for the first time, "How very charming, well Koji, you better keep an eye on this one, someone might just come right under your nose and steal him away if you're not careful."

Locking eyes with mine, he gave me one discreet wink and a provocative bite at his lip as his eyes wandered over my dripping body. Suddenly self conscious, I wrapped my arms around my soaked form—my clothes were doing little to conceal or leave anything to the imagination—breaking the eye contact. _Damn this guy is good…even better than me. _I was thankful when Koji made a point to respond.

Blushing an even deeper shade of red, he tumbled over his words, speaking much too quickly, "We're no together actually, so there's no need to watch out. And for the last time Ira: I'M NOT GAY!"

Breaking into an even wider grin—if that was physically possible—Ira shrugged and looked over his shoulder calling for his company to "hurry their ass up" then turning back to face us he stepped away from the door and into the hallway.

Looking at, Ira, I could tell about three things for sure about him: he was probably in a band; he was a definite expert player; and he was either gay or bisexual. And, of course, he was seriously hot that goes without really saying though. Tall, dark and handsome didn't even begin to cover it.

Avoiding any further staring, I averted my eyes to the open door, waiting for whoever remained in Koji's room to emerge. My teeth were literally chattering I was so cold, which could also be stemmed from only eating enough to keep a very small rodent alive in the past two weeks. The sooner I got changed the better, with my immune system—which was pretty much shot all to hell—I wouldn't stand a chance against even a cold.

The door opened all the way now, "Hey, you forgot this," Ira's company, a tall blond guy with very impressive arms, said as he handed over a white t-shirt to Ira.

"Oh, right. Thanks, you're a life saver! I swear I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on, you know? ," chuckling, he face palmed and pulled his shirt over his head, which fit perfectly across the taut planes of his chest…not that I really noticed or anything…

"No problem. Anything for you," the blond smiled, leaning down and kissing Ira full on the mouth. Someone was territorial…icy blue eyes shot thousands of invisible daggers in my direction.

Without even flinching, I smirked and deflected every single one of the imaginary blades with a look of my own. Glaring is my specialty after all…That is one thing I can actually thank my uncle for.

"Right…well, see ya, Ira. Shiro," Koji pulled uncomfortably at his collar, a nervous habit he'd had since before I'd known him, and made his way into the bedroom without a backward glance.

"Later, Koji," the blond gave one firm nod and began striding down the hallway towards the stairs, giving one last fleeting look in Ira's direction, but his attention was elsewhere, so, giving into a depressed sigh at having been so easily forgotten, the blond made his way back to the party.

"Bye Ko…Neji, pleasure to meet you. And if I may say so, this whole dripping wet look totally works for you. Just so you know," and with a wink, Ira, had turned sharply on one heel to no doubt find new company to spend short-lived intimate moments in a foreign room with.

Watching his retreating form for a second longer, I felt a sudden hollow low in my stomach at this particular thought, but shook it off without any further contemplation Stepping over the threshold of the doorway I noted that like the rest of the house Koji's room was plush and modern. From the red mushroom chairs set in front of a very impressive game console; to the aquarium built into his wall; it was all luxurious to say the very least.

"Here, I hope this will do," tossing a pair of jeans and a simple black t-shirt on the bed, he avoided looking at me all together, as he plopped down in one of the plush red chairs picking up a game controller.

"This is fine. Thank you very much," picking up the outfit I made my way to the open bathroom door adjacent to his room.

xxx

Freshly changed and thankfully dry, I manage to rejoin the party. As sweaty bodies grind upon each other across the entire living room, which has been turned into a dance floor, I feel a sudden urge to take another walk with my best friend in the entire world: the monster. I need the energy boost to keep up with this rave; just one hit won't kill me right?

Stepping outside, I slice myself up some lines and snort in the white powder until I feel satisfied enough with my fix. Content I look back in through the glass of the door, but instead of seeing dancing bodies, I see one guy. He isn't familiar at all, no, he's a complete stranger. Blood shot eyes, sunken cheeks, all skin and bones upon the sparkling concrete…Who is this guy?

That's when I realize that monster staring back at me….that's all me….The pesky "good guy" voice whispers now, begging me to see reason and quit this walk with the monster while I still can, but then the image of dead bodies hanging in the breeze resurfaces and I set out another line…

_ I won't quit until I die…_

xxx

AN: Well, there you have it chapter three. Hope you enjoyed. Please message and review it gets me motivated to upload faster…no joke. ^^


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